Perspective

Your heart is torn
And your mind is troubled
An uneven balance is struck
And all information is weighed
After endless hours
You’re still not sure of what is right
After sleepless nights
You’ve still yet to make a choice
The past battles the present
The then fights the now
Leaving one makes you hate the other
Upon arrival, you wish you had never left
Guilt meets longing meets hope
And all you can do is sigh
You look for that deciding factor
That moment that will make it all clear
Then you realize the simple truth of it
A shift in perception changes everything
The world turns upside down, right side up
And it’s all so obvious
You have two options
Two inspirations
Two loves
Two lives
You have access to either
Neither is lost forever
Both are filled with love and beauty
Both always wait for you
How is that anything to mourn?

Anticipation

And so it begins, the inevitable yearning
My heart swells within me as if to burst through the flesh
Break free, fling itself across the miles and through the hours
Reconcile with its one true home and nestle there for always
Cradled in delicate spanish moss, lacy and mysterious
Measured by cobblestone streets, structured and guiding
Haunted with love by stone angels, washed with tears and rain
Nurtured by strangers and lovers alike, embraced with equal regard
This devotion, tempered to save my sanity
A time bomb, set to explode when allowed
The emotions take over and thoughts give way
Leaving me with tear-blurred vision and aching skin

Strange Sentimentality

I almost desire to return to that moment of confused silence
The absence of sound, the absence of color
Shocked and left wondering what to do
False peace among the chaos
Too lost to start anew, still unable to reestablish bearings
All that’s left is to gaze at the destruction
Take mental and emotional inventory of all that is wrong
Hyperfocus on the most minute details over and over again
Lines and space and darkness
Severed connections and hollow audio
Familiars made strange and alien
Stillness, fragile and raw
I wish to immerse myself in it yet again
So that I can build it up once more
Experience and endure such loss and pain
So that I can enjoy such pleasure all the more

Resolution

Its so easy to take that step back
Away from the situation, the feelings
If you have another place to rest
If you’re all on your own
You take your space so far
To be left lost and cold
You must become your own anchor
A rock, an island, a fortress
Alone, withheld, and secure
Become yet again your own master
Forge your armor anew
Shroud your heart, steel your mind
Remember the lessons you learned
Forgive the mistakes you made
Focus on the skills you gained
Fix your sight on what is to be
Shed the weight of regrets
Move ever onward, toward the horizon

Stormy Night

The anguish crests, the tears break
As waves thrown upon a shore
The loneliness sweeps along
As the tide drawn to the moon
This helpless agony, as steady as the sea
Anger, then sullen silence, then a storm of emotion
Squalling in rage, sobbing in grief
Searching for a port, a light to guide a path
No safe harbor, no solid land
All is tossing and turning
All is darkness and clouded night
All is heaving, drowning and choking

I know the time passes for so long
And I know the energy spent crying
Could be otherwise spent dialing your number
But sometimes my fingers ache at the thought
The best of heroes can turn to the worst of villains
For love and hate are two sides of the same coin
But what’s the point of taking a chance and placing a bet
When the price itself is in constant question
Maybe if we were to be known to each other
We could find common ground in conversation
The sweetness of blood oranges
The snobbery of unknown bands
Or it might all be silence and the echo of years
You, thinking you know who I am
Me, mourning that I have no clue who you are
Siblings turned strangers, half our lives apart
I don’t ask for you to be my father
I don’t expect you to see me as a friend
I just wish for you to acknowledge me as your sister
See me as who I am, not who you believe I was

There had been a fire years ago
And the only company the house had was ghosts
I had gone in on a recovery mission
Hoping to find something among the ashes
There on a table, surrounded by debris and dust
A sketchbook of yours, pristine and untouched
Inside, I found a reflection
Myself, in sketches, memories, and photos
All the angles, all the colors, all the textures
Black and blonde and red hair
Dresses made of feathers and velvet and lace
Sunsets on the beach, parties in the kitchen
I saw my youth in all its vibrant glory
All my mistakes and rewards
I gazed at the proof of my former beauty and foolishness
Then searched for you so I could return it